I have a toothache.

"Unmade art is like a toothache. It's always there distracting you. You're always focused on that darn tooth. If you are writing a novel, the novel is always with you, always posing the question "what next?" Ditto for a sculpture or a painting in process. That brainchild wants your attention!

Unmade art will always pain and distract you - yes, even when you're supposed to be listening to your child's homework or focusing on world peace. Don't get me wrong or understand me too quickly. Children matter. They deserve to be really listened to, and we cannot do that if our unmade art is still competing for our attention. World peace matters, but you may not be able to do anything contructive about it today, while you can make art - and, in my opinion, if we put a little more energy into creation, we might put a little less into destruction.

Maybe all you can do about world peace today is make some art and improve your own goddamn mood. What do you think?"

-Julia Cameron, 'Letters to a Young Artist'

I think I need to get over it already and go buy those supplies I've been thinking about for weeks. I need to get back into the studio to fill the few orders I've got pending then I need to get a start on my paintings (they all exist in my head!) for my show in July. I need to get things moving again. NOW!

A second attempt...

It's been over two months since I posted last. The perfectionist in me wants to delete everything I've done and start over so as not to have that big chunk of empty time taking up space but the spirit in me says that that is not an honest portrayal of the this process and what I am trying to communicate. I may not have written when I intended to or even when I wanted to but struggled to find the time but that does not mean that the pursuit of my creative dreams has been at a standstill.

Fear can be a very sneaky and debilitating thing at times. Fear and overcoming fear almost always plays a huge part in the creative process. When I think back to times when I meant to update this blog, I think it may have been (or should I just say it was) fear of speaking of my hopes and dreams that held me back. After all, if I shared them and my experience didn't live up to my expectations, would I then be seen as a failure? Would I then have to struggle through disappointment and embarassment? When I see this in writing, I realize that I essentially am saying that I am afraid of myself and my own thoughts and well, that just seems silly. Fear loves to live inside our heads and when we are able to get past it and open the door to let it out, it has a funny way of dissolving into thin air and that is what this is really all about.

I read something yesterday that made me think. It was about having to 'live through the struggle in order to learn how not to struggle'. Makes sense, right?

An Imperfect Beginning

The main phrase for the perfectionist is 'not yet'. This is because it's never quite good enough, or ready, or as perfect as the perfectionist has imagined it. The perfectionist is constantly fine tuning, redoing, shaping, polishing, getting ready, adjusting, tinkering...

Perfectionism is what stops many people from sharing their creative dreams, ideas, or reality with others.

Perfectionists have unbelievably high standards to which they compare themselves and their creative dreams. Even a mild case of perfectionism can cause this.

The blessings of perfectionism are that the work is often uncommonly good, if the perfectionist can just get brave or determined enough to share with a sensitive and insightful person.

-SARK, from 'Make Your Creative Dreams Real'

This really spoke to me and it applies to the beginning of this blog as well. For so long I had been meaning to begin but the timing just never seemed quite right. I had been waiting to get further along in my work so I would have more to show, more to speak about; maybe wait a few more months so my little ones would be a bit older and therefore I might have more time to make it better. I told myself I needed to create a great header first, an interesting profile, a coordinating colour scheme...So many excuses, made up of the fear of not being good enough when deep inside, I understand that all it takes is to let go and just do it! Let go of ego and allow the creative spirit inside to flow through. One thing I do know for sure is that once you climb over that wall and begin, the work finds itself and it gets easier and easier as you move along...

So here it is, my imperfect beginning...